Why do some people take so long to heal after divorce compared to their ex?

Bitch Fest reframes this directly: the ex who immediately entered a new relationship is not healing, they're avoiding. Using another person as a human band-aid while you're still in emotional shock is not recovery. The person grieving slowly is doing the actual work of untangling years of shared identity, which is harder and more honest than starting over before processing anything.

How do you stop hating yourself for not bouncing back faster after divorce?

The column asks the reader to stop treating healing as a competitive sport. The letter writer's ex may be engaged in three months, but the column argues this is avoidance dressed in wedding planning. Real recovery involves sitting with the grief of both the relationship and the future that was being built, which takes longer and produces a more stable foundation.

How do you use dating apps after a painful divorce without feeling like a garbage person?

The column advises not using them until they feel like curiosity rather than obligation. Healing first isn't falling behind. The pressure from others to get back out there reflects their discomfort with your grief rather than anything true about your timeline. Dating apps will still exist when you're actually ready.

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Bitch Fest: Divorced Healing and Dreading Dating Apps

By Joseph Tito • September 7, 2025

Woman sitting confidently alone at restaurant

LETTER 1Dear Bitch Fest,I'm 34, recently divorced, and my ex-husband is already engaged to someone he met three months ago. Meanwhile, I'm over here trying to figure out how to use dating apps without wanting to throw my phone into traffic. Everyone keeps telling me I should "get back out there" and "you're so strong," but honestly? I feel like a garbage person most days. How do I not hate myself for taking longer to bounce back than apparently everyone else on the planet?, Slow & Steady Loses the RaceDear Slow & Steady,First off, fuck everyone who's clocking your healing timeline like you're running a marathon they have money on. Your ex-husband didn't "bounce back", he ricocheted directly into another person's life because sitting alone with his feelings was scarier than a horror movie marathon. That's not recovery; that's emotional whiplash with a ring attached.Here's what nobody tells you about divorce: there's no prize for speed-healing. You're not "losing" because you need more than a season to figure out who you are without someone else's dirty socks on your bedroom floor. You're being a goddamn adult about it.Let me paint you a picture of what's actually happening here. While you're...