People often ask me what it's like raising two girls, and my answer is always the same.
"They are completely different."
I remember watching them at the pool one summer, and it was really clear who they were.
Kenzie stood at the edge of the pool, looking down at the water. She was taking it all in, figuring out the safest way to jump in without getting hurt, and when she was ready, she jumped.
Meanwhile, Ellie ran past her, laughed the whole way, and launched herself into the water without a second thought, screaming “CANNONBALL”.
I smiled because I realized that wasn't just how they approached the pool. It was how they approached life.
They have the same parents and live in the same home. But they are completely different little humans.
When Kenzie was born, I thought I was figuring out this whole parenting thing. Then Ellie came along and reminded me that children don't come with instructions, and even if they did, it probably wouldn't work for every child.
What comforted one didn't always comfort the other. What helped one didn't always help the other.
I spent a lot of time wondering if I was doing something wrong when really, they just needed different things from me. Looking back, I think that's one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from being a mom.
My girls aren’t meant to be the same; they're meant to be who they are. And as parents, I think it's easy to compare without realizing it.
Why is one child more careful? Why is one more outgoing? Why does one need more time before trying something new? Why does the other seem ready to jump right in?
When they were toddlers, I found myself trying to make them be more like each other. Now I see things differently.
Kenzie doesn't need to be more like Ellie. Ellie doesn't need to be more like Kenzie. They need the freedom to become more of themselves. And the older they get, the more I love and appreciate what makes them unique.
Kenzie notices the little things. She's thoughtful, compassionate, and takes her time before making a decision. She dances to the beat of her own drum and has a quiet confidence that continues to grow. Ellie brings so much joy wherever she goes. She's creative, funny, adventurous, and has a way of making people smile without even trying.
Neither way is better. They're simply different. The truth is, raising two very different daughters has changed me just as much as it's shaped them. It's taught me to slow down. To stop assuming. To listen more. To see who they are instead of who I expected. I think that's true for all of us, really. Every person we love sees the world a little differently. And sometimes the greatest gift we can give the people in our lives is to understand who they are instead of expecting them to be who we imagined.
It’s not about giving advice; it’s about loving them how they need to be loved. If there's one thing my girls have taught me, it's this: Love isn't about treating everyone the same; it's about loving each person in the way they need to be loved.
And I have a feeling that's a lesson I'll keep learning for the rest of my life.
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