Bitch Fest: When Your Best Friend Goes Spiritual Guru

LETTER 1Dear Bitch Fest, My best friend just had a "life-changing" ayahuasca retreat and now she won’t stop telling me I’m “vibrating at a low frequency.” She literally interrupted my story about getting promoted to tell me I need to “release my capitalist trauma.” Last week she brought a shaman she met on Hinge to brunch, and he tried to sage my mimosa. I miss the version of her who made inappropriate jokes and ate gas station sushi with me. How do I get her back, without attending a sound bath? , Missing My Low-Vibe BestieDear Missing My Low-Vibe Bestie,Ah yes, the post-psychedelic personality transplant, where your perfectly good trash goblin bestie returns from the jungle convinced that her sarcasm was just suppressed trauma and now only speaks in wellness word salad.Here's the cosmic joke your friend doesn't get: nothing says "low vibration" quite like constantly telling everyone else they're vibrating wrong. That's not enlightenment. That's just judgment in yoga pants.She didn't find herself in the Amazon. She got lost in the gift shop.Let me paint you a picture of what actually happened: Your friend paid $3,000 to throw up in a yurt while some white guy named Trevor (who now goes by...