Do Not Call Me Busy or Boss: Candyce Bakke on Women Boundaries and a Simple Life

Busy and Boss

Two words get projected onto Candyce Bakke, and both of them make her blood boil.

"Busy. And boss."

Done With "Busy"

Start with busy.

"I was gonna call you, but you seem so busy lately. I really wanted to meet with you, but you seem so busy. Even my own brother — I see all the stuff you share, it feels busy." She's flat about it. "It's a projection of when others are lacking initiation."

She doesn't use the word. She never has.

"It's a trigger word for me. I'm done with people seeing a full life as busy. I choose a very intentional life. I love the way I use my time every day."

A Boundary With a Date on It

What reads to other people as unavailability is, she says, just a boundary with a date on it.

"Maybe that's what people get intimidated by. I have a boundary that says — yes, can we do it next Thursday at two? And that feels hard for some people. But I know that next Thursday at two, I am going to be present with you. So I won't feel busy. I would never want anyone connected to me to feel like, sorry, I'm too busy for you."

A Gift of Life

There's a reason she guards her hours the way she does. At twenty-two, she almost lost her life.

"Every person I've met who's had a near-death experience, or moved through trauma — how you spend your time in this gift of life is treasured in a way we can't explain to someone who hasn't experienced it."

A Leader, Not a Boss

Then there's boss. She opened the salon at twenty-one and the word never fit.

"It didn't seem aligned with my values. I didn't want to be looked at like I look down on others — because you're looking up. A boss is telling you what to do. I want to be looked at as a leader."

I Get to Define What Simple Is

She has been handed a lot of words. A doctor once told her she'd need to live a simple life.

"I get to define what simple is. And I'm not busy. And I'm not too much."

"My trauma, my titles, the roles I've lived — being a mother — these things don't define me. What defines me is who I'm being in each of those moments."

Because I'm Not Too Busy

Right now, in this one, she has somewhere to be.

"I was just invited over to my ex-husband's, across the street. He's my neighbour now. We're doing a late-night hot tub the night before school. So I'm going to do that."

A beat.

"Because I'm not too busy."